God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
