Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
