I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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