i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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