dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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