I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
