Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
