i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
