hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
