shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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