Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
