I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
