I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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