im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
