so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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