just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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