I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
