i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
