So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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