I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
