Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
