Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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