what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
