I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
