i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
