Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
