My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
