I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
