I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
