I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
