I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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