shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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