it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am one with the molecules
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
