Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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