I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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