OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
