i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
