I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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