Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A bitchslap is in order.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
