At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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