Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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