Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
