That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk is a universal language darling
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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