Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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