just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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