alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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