it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
