Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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