and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
