all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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