State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
two words: eviction party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
