the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was like eating out sand paper
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
