I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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