apparently the secret to your success is patron
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
