i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
