My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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