Screwed.edu
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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