Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
