Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
