guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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