That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
