how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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