Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
