I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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