But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
