How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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