Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is Oprah even human
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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