sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this is an emotional support booty call
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
