piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
