hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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