I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
